One more thing

I was just wanting to add a little more about my self.

I was a young mother, a kinda Young wife, but just to be honest, I never wanted any of it.

I had a plan. I did not want children and I very much didn't want to be a wife.

I saw what my parents went thru and i joys of being mental scared by my mother that i was very sure I didn't want any of it. Well one night of ignorance wrecked all of it. I married after a couple of years to run away from my life. I knew from the start that he would be a good 1st husband. I fear that the term would be used closer to now then i ever thought.

I do love my husband but i know now that he is the spitting image of what his mother divorce. he is a perfect duplicate of his father, whom had learned from his mistakes. bit my husband, well he still fells that his stupid ways and jackass ness is acceptable.

I still almost a decade into the marriage wonder why they hell did i marry him?

Really why, was it just to get out of the situation i was in? Did i really love him or did tolerance turn to love?

I do know that i am unable to be honest with him. I have tried several times and have been shot down in may ways. Sexual i was honest, and I was treated and left feeling like a whore.

Mentally I was honest and felt like a stupid idiot.

With in the marriage, well I was left feeling like i was inadequate in ever way.

Never doing anything right.

Maybe one day I will get it right and from the start to the finish i will have his love and approval. but as of now, I have yet to master that.